She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
