She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
