Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
