? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
