I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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