she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize
