I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
