Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
