And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
