Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
