After last night, I could never be a politician.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
