the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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