so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
