I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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