I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
