We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
