k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
