I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
