I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
