I love black thongs
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
