I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
