I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
