just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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