So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
