so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
