it's not cheating when I paid for it
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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