Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
