my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
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