At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
