My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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