God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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