dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
