I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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