I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
