I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
