and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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