I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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