Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
