Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
