You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
