I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
