Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
