I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
