pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
