i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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