They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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