I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
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