Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
