I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
