the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
where are you?
Hypothermia
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Randomize
