I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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