remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
