Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Terrible idea I love it
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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