I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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