dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
