i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Randomize
