we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I got inside last night via doggy door
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
