i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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