at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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